The Importance of believing in yourself

Whether it is finally securing a job, or finishing your studies, I’m sure all of you are on your way to somewhere, and we can all agree it is a bittersweet one. When I was a little girl, I loved nothing but looking at pretty pictures, and my biggest dream is to take my own photos and get published someday. Fast forward to now, I’m not only working with several different magazines, creating content for my own blog, but also a few months away in launching a creative agency. Never in a hundred years did I expect to have so many creative projects in hand, I’m extremely grateful. As I look back to my journey with photography, I learned that everything takes time, and pursuing your passion is a love-hate relationship we all have to face.

是工作,又或著是在完成學業的路途上,相信你們與我一樣,都在朝某個目標前進。目標可大可小,可遠可近,唯一不變的是那「只要知道自己在累什麼,再累都無仿」的心情。記得小時候跟著吳小姐在髮廊洗頭的時候,設計師阿姨都會給我遞本雜誌,好讓我坐好不鬧。翻來翻去,那時候的我覺得能夠把照片拍好、文章寫好的人真的好厲害。時間快轉到現在,想想不曾結束的趕稿人生、逐漸穩定的部落客身份,以及再幾個月即將與朋友合作開張的工作室,心跳就不自覺加速。看著手邊的這些事,實在感激。回頭想想這一路與攝影和文字的連結,也覺得神奇,我這沒有相關背景與科系之人居然能撐到現在。若要說幾年來到底學了什麼,就是其實任何事都急不得,該發生的就會發生,而我們唯一能做的,就是拼盡全力。是說,既然到了年底,我決定新網站的第一篇文章要來點回顧、報告一下消失這幾個月到底在幹嘛(笑),順便聊聊對我來說最困難的事:相信自己。 

So, since it’s almost the end of 2017, I wanted to do this post as a reflect, and talk about the hardest thing I had to overcome — conquering my own mind. 



In the beginning, the hardest thing for me was not the financial stuff or how little I was booked, it was my own self. I was constantly tearing myself down about my work, and how terrible it is. There’s also this little voice in my head whispering “You’re not good enough”. 

“I was my own bully, my worst enemy. I feel like i’m less than everyone else.”

And I thought the more I created, the more I’ll be able to silence all the negative thoughts. So I said yes to every job & project, wrote and shoot for everything, anything that will give me a glimpse into the industry. Despite deep down I know its not exactly what I wanted or they were actually ripping me off, I did it anyway. It was an unhealthy cycle of feeling devalued. 

三年前剛開始接觸文字與影像那陣子,最大的挫折並不是來自於案子接得少與微薄稿費價格,是內心的糾結。經常覺的那裡那裡不夠好,覺得文筆不順、照片很醜;在腦袋中不停的批評我產出的每個作品,無時無刻,不曾間斷,言語與心理都是。

或許這就是所謂的霸凌,只是加害者就是我自己。

當時,為了要得到最多的練習,我只要有案子就接,拍什麼寫什麼都好,覺得這樣才能讓自己變得強大,講難聽點就是不挑。即便知道對方是在佔自己便宜,即便與個人風格理想並不相輔,我還是做了。這樣的狀況持續了很久,是場沒有出口的惡性循環。

The turning point was the end of summer this year when I decided to stop and focus on my personality. When I finally sit down and face my fears, I realised my insecurity wasn’t based on the quality of my work, it was my habit of thinking. I was so convinced that without a relevant degree, I will never be good enough. 

And so I started making some big changes. I paused all the works/projects that wasn’t a good fit for me or my belief, it was a hard choice because the last thing you want as a freelancer is to burn your bridges. I had to protect my work, and I’m the only one who can do so. I walked away from perhaps the best career opportunity one could ask for. But I knew it was the right decision, I had to focus on myself. If I’ve learned anything in the freelance path, it’s that it’s not simply about producing. Character matters more. Finding your own voice & style matters more. 

I took intentional steps in order to build a better pattern. I began to work on self-love. I started telling myself that nobody is perfect and it’s okay to have flaws and fears. I came to finally believing in myself. After a while, slowly but undoubtedly, my confidence was rebuilt. My work became better.

轉折點就在今年夏末,我決定要來好好處理這個問題。抽絲剝繭後,發現這些不安與個人能力和作品好壞無關,完全是來自於思考方式。因為我固執地認為,在沒有背景和科系的條件下,我始終是個業餘的。

我開始拒絕某些與我個人風格不相符的邀稿與提案,聽起來或許很衝動,畢竟身為 freelancer 人脈與人際關係真的很重要。不過,我得好好保護自己的作品,而只有我能這麼做,況且我一直相信讀者是敏銳的,文字與影像背後有沒有熱情,其實一目瞭然。另外,我選擇放棄了一份很有發展性的工作,有猶豫也有糾結,但對當時的我來說是最正確的決定,在繼續往前之前,我必須找回自己,而這並不是一兩天就能完成的。倘若要我分享這幾年來到底體悟了些什麼,那就是好的性格與正確的心態比產出完美的作品更重要。

在休息(也可說是失業。笑)這段時間,我試著不要每天過得如此提心吊膽、擔心這害怕那。我學習告訴自己「沒有人是完美的,害怕沒關係,但要相信你是可以」。過了一會兒,緩慢但毫無疑問地,自信得到了重建,作品也起了變化,終於能再度在照片中看見自己的影子。

 

 

all photos were taken by yours truly.

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0 Comments

  1. Elise wrote:

    I’m so happy for you, Tiffany!I always knew you’ll do something big 😉
    Can’t wait for your upcoming shares!
    xxElisehttps://eliseay.com

    Posted 12.4.17 Reply
    • Thank you Elise! I’m happy for you too, love seeing your New York posts & articles! Enjoy your holidays xxx

      Posted 12.16.17 Reply
  2. shin wrote:

    恭喜妳開始了新的攝影公司! 一直都很喜歡妳的風格呢~transform mindset真的是極難卻極必需的課題, 我們一起加油!

    Posted 12.5.17 Reply
    • 謝謝妳!!我也很喜歡妳的風格:)真的,其實很多事並沒有想像中那麼難,都只是轉念之間!一起加油!

      Posted 12.16.17 Reply
  3. Elizabeth wrote:

    I’m so happy that you’re back Tiffany! And oh my, a creative agency! Words can’t express how happy I am for you! 😀 You definitely deserve it! I’ve always loved your work ever since I first found your blog, and your photos always gave me so much inspiration to hone my own craft and create better content <3 Thank you so much for sharing this personal tidbit, and for also providing an encouraging message. I’ve been going through some things in the last few weeks, and this message really made my day 🙂 Loving the new layout, and can’t wait to see more of the great content that’s coming forth!
    XO, Elizabethhttp://clothestoyouuu.com/

    Posted 12.6.17 Reply
    • I’m so glad I get to encourage your Elizabeth, this really means a lot! You inspire me so much too! I hope you’ll feeling better 🙂 Sometimes all we need is perseverance,hard work, and the courage to believe in ourselves! x

      Posted 12.16.17 Reply
  4. true words, love reading them because they gave me some more confidence xx>www.bonjourchiara.com

    Posted 1.14.18 Reply
  5. hey dear,your info is very useful,thank you so much for sharing.
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    Posted 1.19.18 Reply

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