Whether it is finally securing a job, or finishing your studies, I'm sure all of you are on your way to somewhere, and we can all agree it is a bittersweet one.
When I was a little girl, I loved nothing but looking at pretty pictures, and my biggest dream is to take my own photos and get published someday. Fast forward to now, I'm not only working with several different magazines, creating content for my own blog, but also a few months away in launching a creative agency. Never in a hundred years did I expect to have so many creative projects in hand, I'm extremely grateful.
As I look back to my journey with photography, I learned that everything takes time, and pursuing your passion is a love hate relationship we all have to face.
So, since it's almost the end of 2017, I wanted to do this post as a reflect, and talk about the hardest thing I had to overcome — conquering my own mind.
In the beginning, the hardest thing for me was not the financial stuff or how little I was booked, it was my own self.
I was constantly tearing myself down about my work, and how terrible it is. There's also this little voice in my head whispering "You're not good enough".
"I was my own bully, my worst enemy. I feel like i'm less than everyone else."
And I thought the more I created, the more I'll be able to silence all the negative thoughts. So I said yes to every job & project, wrote and shoot for everything, anything that will give me a glimpse to the industry. Despite deep down I know its not exactly what I wanted or they were actually ripping me off, I did it anyway. It was an unhealthy cycle of feeling devalued.
The turning point was the end of summer this year, when I decided to stop and focus on my personality.
When I finally sit down and face my fears, I realised my insecurity wasn't base on the quality of my work, it was my habit of thinking. I was so convinced that without a relevant degree, I will never be good enough.
And so I started making some big changes. I paused all the works/projects that wasn't a good fit for me or my belief, it was a hard choice, because the last thing you want as a freelancer is to burn your bridges. I had to protect my work, and I'm the only one who can do so. I walked away from perhaps the best career opportunity one could ask for. But I knew it was the right decision, I had to focus on myself. If I've learned anything in the freelance path, it's that it's not simply about producing. Character matters more. Finding your own voice & style matters more.
I took intentional steps in order to build a better pattern. I began to work on self-love. I started telling myself that nobody is perfect and it's okay to have flaws and fears. I came to finally believing in myself. After a while, slowly but undoubtedly, my confidence was rebuilt. My work became better.
我開始拒絕某些與我個人風格不相符的邀稿與提案，聽起來或許很衝動，畢竟身為 freelancer 人脈與人際關係真的很重要。不過，我得好好保護自己的作品，而只有我能這麼做，況且我一直相信讀者是敏銳的，文字與影像背後有沒有熱情，其實一目瞭然。另外，我選擇放棄了一份很有發展性的工作，有猶豫也有糾結，但對當時的我來說是最正確的決定，在繼續往前之前，我必須找回自己，而這並不是一兩天就能完成的。倘若要我分享這幾年來到底體悟了些什麼，那就是好的性格與正確的心態比產出完美的作品更重要。
here's a note to you guys (& myself!)...
Don't ever let anyone tell you that you or your work is less than. Believe in yourslef. Embrace your flaws & fears. Hone your craft. Grow your self & your work will grow.
And for those not sure what I actually do for a living,
I'm a Fashion & Beauty photographer + Lifestyle blogger, based in Melbourne & Taipei.
Last but not least...welcome to my new brain space! I know it's been a long overdue of blogposts, photography, work talks & beauty obsessions. I'm extremely grateful for all of you, who stood by all this time and read an 5 feet Asian girl babble about her life. Thank you, each one of you, you rock!
And now, I promise...no more radio silence, I'm back with loads of content to share. stay tuned! x